Wanting to Cry

This is a terrible Monday morning post.

I know it!

I don't want to be down on a Monday...
I want to be happy and uplifting.

But then life creeps in and I have to
be real. If I am not real here, why
write the blog?

The pain has gotten so much worse.

I don't even want to get out of bed.

A huge pain pill and a long, long
sleep sound really good right now.

Not gonna happen.

We have a shot at a full school day today...
no one works... except Mikey, after lunch.

I have candles to make.

A house that needs attention.

My Mother-in-law, Georgia,
and I spent a few hours in the ER with Mikey
on Saturday night for a gusher of a bloody nose.
He gets bloody noses frequently but this was the
first that needed immediate medical attention.
Poor guy! He was scared...as was I.
I'll leave out the gory details.

We watched Penn State beat Ohio on the TV in the
waiting room after they handed the kid a basin and
more gauze and sent us to wait.

From there another TV was turned on to the Phillies
in the World Series...we watched that across the room
until our pager went off. By then the bleeding had
stopped but, after much delay, the Doctor,(a Red Sox fan),
finally cauterized the offensive vessel and we were on our way home shortly
after 1:00 am.

So...today I will contact my family doctor and see if he will order an
MRI on my hip to be sure the pain is not coming from there.

I will do the things that need to be done and I will pray for the
grace to do things well and cheerfully.

Wow! I am asking a lot of Him.

Maybe I should just pray that I can get things done...

Then I think of my friend Deena and I am put to shame.

That is a serious trial...Cancer.

She is such a trooper.

You should go over and sign her guest book.
That would be such a blessing to her.

So, all things in perspective,
my struggles aren't that bad.

Thanks for putting up with this morning's
therapy...

Blessings!

Becky K.

Pain

Update: You guys are just too much!
Thanks for all of the kind words and
admonitions. I am feeling quite a bit
better tonight as compared to last evening
when I nearly headed for the ER.

The surgeon finally got back to me and
left a message that he truly feels there
shouldn't be any real damage from my
playing kick-ball. He thinks I just pulled
a muscle.
I don't know about that but I am glad that
at this point the pain has lessened. I think
it was a bit more than a pulled muscle.
Hopefully tomorrow is better...

Nonetheless, I won't play any of these sports
again for a while, just in case.

Blessings on you dear friends. And to think
a year ago, I knew only two of you...

Love you guys!...





Pain is an interesting thing.

It has power.
The power to take away your energy.
The power to distract you from a goal.
It is disruptive and maddening.

I have pain!

Lots of pain!

Friday evening I decided to play kickball
with our church friends and family.
All was ok until Saturday evening when
Warren and I were at a business dinner.

Then...the pain set in.

It has not left.

I called and left a message for the surgeon...
no response. I called back...still nothing.

I am frustrated, angry and hurt.

We have family coming in today from Florida and
we will enjoy our time with them...but I so wish
I did not hurt so badly.

I don't know what to do...should I call my family
doctor or keep after the surgeon's office? Hmmmm....

Pain.

It hurts!

It stinks!

I thought this was fixed.

Makes me crazy!!!

Not in the run out and hurt people way...
In the curl up in a ball in bed and cry
sort of a way.

Thanks for letting me vent, dear blog...
and blog friends.
I'll be better soon.

OUCH!

Yep!

It hurts to have your abdomen incised.

Funny though, from the outside it
looks almost normal.

Inside...feels like ...
oh, you don't really want to know.

Thanks for all of the nice comments.

I'm going to go feel sorry for myself
a little bit more.

See YA!

Answered Prayer

This has been a week filled with the
direct knowledge that God has been
in the doctor's offices with me.

To catch any new readers up...
I have a couple of cysts in my
abdomen that are causing significant
pain. The theory is that there is
scar tissue from a previous post
surgical infection that is holding
an ovarian cyst, ovary and bowel all
together.

I will be having surgery to resolve
it. This brings me to yesterday's
answered prayer.

I was struggling with allowing the same surgeon
that did the initial two surgeries to operate on
me again. I do not hate him. I don't know
that he did anything wrong.
I was just uncomfortable.

So, I asked for a second opinion.
This is very hard for a "pleaser" like
me to do. But, when you feel strongly...

Anyway, a friend has just started working for
a gyno surgeon. He has a great reputation!
She got me in to see him. She had the whole
office primed for my visit...even the doctor.

They were so wonderful. Even the nurse that
seated me in the room had just had surgery performed by
this doctor and could not say enough good things
about him.

My friend, Marie, was so funny. She said every time
she passed by my door while I was with the doctor she
would touch the door and pray that the doctor would
have more wisdom than he even knew he needed!

One thing that I felt prompted to do yesterday
before I went in was to type up a narrative of
my health history. It is getting complicated.
It really helped.
Sometimes a test result does not reflect the whole
story and this was the case here.
The doctor told me that when he saw the result
of the ultrasound he could not understand why
anyone would recommend surgery...then he saw
my history and his opinion changed. After the
physical exam he is very convinced that I am out
of other options.
I am so glad that I typed that narrative.
I recommend that if you haven't already done this,
you would be wise to have one on hand for
yourself that you could print out and take
along every time you see a doctor.

Having dates and test results handy is a very
good idea for those times when you are not
thinking clearly or are in pain.

I am very comfortable now to go ahead with the surgery.
Nervous about various aspects...but ready to get it done.

It will have to wait until the beginning of May because of
other tests that have to be completed, but I have been dealing
with this pain since January. Hopefully with the pain pills
I'll be able to get through until then. He is willing to
do it sooner if I just can't tolerate the pain.

Your prayers were felt, my dear friends.

I'll be asking for more.

The pain has doubled since his exam...I am hoping that it
will settle back down very soon. I am just about useless
at this point.

This is beginning to seem like a medical journal.
I really don't want to do that but you really seemed to care.

Please Pray for Georgia...

My Mother-in-law called last night about 10pm and said that she needed to go to the E.R.

We finally got there about 11:15 - long, almost amusing story.

I have not slept but an hour on a very small loveseat from 6 - 7am this morning.

It is now 10:25am (Saturday) and I am headed to bed.

Georgia has another obstruction in her bowels and is terribly uncomfortable.

Please pray that she does not have to have the tube placed. This is so painful and she has been through it before. She cannot stand the thought of it.

Thanks Ya'll!

Hobbling!

Soon after I posted this morning a pain set in my side that nearly made me cry! You know the kind of pain where you break out in a sweat and have nausea? That was me this morning.

So, my running day turned into a hobbling day....hmmmmm....

I have struggled with Ovarian Cysts since I was a teen but they are not usually this bad...

I got the candles poured and kids school assignments given and then have spent the rest of the day at the doctor and then off having ultrasound testing done.

The may be the third year in a row for surgery depending on how this one behaves!

2006 - Hysterectomy - that was pretty easy but caused a grapefruit sized absessed ovarian cyst. I was in the hospital for a long time and very, very sick for longer.

2007 - Gull bladder removal and adhesion (caused by the aforementioned pelvic infection) clipping...not such a big deal and very worth while for the relief obtained. My liver and diaphragm were stuck together with adhesions. Are you squeamish does that make you shudder? It hurt! A lot!

2008 - ???? I am hoping nothing...but the ultrasound techie was prepping me for another surgery...we will see...she is not the Dr. She was very surprised that they sent me home to wait it out on pain meds. The ultrasound showed a 3cm cyst. I do not know why some hurt and others just are a nuisance.

I am treating the pain and will see the doctor for a follow up in a month or so if nothing changes in the next day or so.

SO.... no bowling today. Sorry Mrs. Rabe...my cell phone died before I got to call you and it was one thing to the next!