Thursday, April 9, 2009

Oooh, This Headline Made Me Look!

Yahoo News has this as their top story
this morning.

Kids Curb Marital Satisfaction

Hmmm...I had to click on it.
I was perturbed.

Then I read the article.

There are a couple of points
of interest. One, which still ticks me
off is that there is the assumption that
children aren't great for a marriage.

However, it does state some interesting
facts. The first being that those couples
who live together first, then get married and
have children find a much greater deterioration
of the marital relationship or the happiness...

There is also an assumption that marital quality
diminishes over time for 90 percent of married
couples. I wonder...what is the quality they are
looking at. Feeling giddy? Having a crush?
Relationships definitely go through changes, there
are even times when we are more distant...but with
work and intention we can build a stronger bond than
we could ever have imagined while having those
giddy, first love feelings.

The overall result of this article wasn't as bad
as the headline would suggest,
but I was a bit steamed at the apparent insinuation
in the headline itself.

Long story short...according to me...Having children
changes a marriage. It does not have to be a negative
change. It can and should be a very beautiful thing
as two adults work together to train the next generation.

Making time for each other is vital.
Working as a team and giving more than
you get works out really well...especially
if both are trying to give more....

Really listening.
Hearing your spouse.
Knowing their moods.

It is a closeness that is impossible
when you have a brand new, shiny and
giddy relationship. That is fun.
It is not a forever feeling.
Truth is, the later, comfortable,
sometimes perceived as boring stage
can be even better! When you think
about the fact that you can catch
that person's eye across the room and
communicate without words. When you can
know that he will be there for you
no matter what. When after
twenty years just an unexpected glimpse
of him can make your heart stop for a

And this is after three very normal, busy,
demanding and ever present,
crazy children.

Kids don't have to take away from
your marriage.
You'll just have to do the
work and set mutual goals.

Children are a gift!!!!
They are a blessing and
you don't even know how many
times in the midst of raising them
I have reminded myself of the
fact out loud!
Ask them, they have heard it a
million times...usually through
gritted teeth. ((smile))

But, they are.
And I am glad that we "risked"
our happiness to have them!
♥♥Becky K.♥♥


Vee said...

You said it so well. I can't imagine life without children. For one thing, how would anyone ever have grands without children?

The other good thing is that after the children are grown, the couple will find themselves in a perpetual honeymoon, if they intend it to be so as life comes full circle again.

Mrs. Rabe said...

You know my thoughts about this!

Tim told friends last night "It is more fun after 21 years than after 3 years of marriage!" And this is 6 kids later!

I feel a post of my own about this coming on!

jAne said...

You're right-on, Becky.

As to the insinuation of the headline, the intent is to put a bug in the heart of those considering marriage or already married, to expect the worst. How **very** sad!

Persuaded said...

i certainly am thankful for the blessing of my children♥

Lisa said...

Hmmm, I read this same article. I think maybe you should contact the NY Times to have your post published there. I made the decision not to have children and some times I think with the hubby I have now, we would have been great parents. Maybe not agreeing on everything, but we would have been good together many moons ago. But I know how that is too, the moon was different then and we probably had completely different priorities. I hate to hear people complain about their kids. They create them and then seem to not know what to do. My mom once said, "it does not take much to make a child happy". Words for parents to live by. Time, it takes a little time to show love, nuturing and other "little" meaningful things. Hmmmm, where have the basics gone?

Kelly said...

GREAT Post! I certainly know that children create new challenges in a marriage, especially when you foster to adopt and bring children into your home, who have some unfortunate baggage. However, I also know that pouring love and attention into the children is such a blessing both to the children and to the parents.

I think the problem is that too many people don't want to have to WORK at a relationship in today's world, and relationships (of any kind) require work on both people's parts. You only get out of a relationship what you put into it for the most part. Sometimes you get more than you give if the other person is very generous, but if you take more than you give, it can eventually really tire and hurt the other person and the relationship. It takes work. It doesn't have to be hard, but it is an effort. You have to love your spouse enough to do things that please them. That will not only make them feel good, but it should make you feel good as well, and that will also cause them to want to do things that please you to. And by doing things, I mean, it can be something so simple as a smile or a touch. It doesn't have to be hard -- it shouldn't be.