Over this past week I have been spewing advice to my daughter. You know, things like, telling her to see God's hand in everything in an attempt to grasp that we are in His care. To be honest with Him and let Him know how you feel. It's not like He doesn't know anyway, right? I've told her she doesn't have to be strong to be a good testimony for Him. To let the anger come....
......just at the fact that this thing happened.
We know He could have prevented it.
This morning I am alone at home and the stress began building again. I ran to the pharmacy for the medication the doctor ordered for anxiety. The fear of having that horrifically high heart rate again is similar to my fear of the next complicated migraine.
Stress inducing in itself.
I took a sliver of a pill. Wanting to know how it would impact me. Much to do today and a few places I really should drive. I don't want to do anything dangerous.
I felt a bit sleepy and laid down in the recliner. All of a sudden it hit me!
I've been telling her all of this stuff.
I've been talking ABOUT God.
But have I been talking TO Him?
There have been the prayers of praise. I mean them.
There have been the pleas for those who have been impacted and for those we love.
But had I expressed to Him that I am angry that this situation is in our lives?
That our kids will never be the same again?
That even though I know that He will take this and redeem it
it still hurts SO much?
I don't think I had.
I have now.
He still loves me.
His presence is so real.
It is safe to be totally real back with Him.
Too bad it took me so long to take my own advice.
In those very moments my cell phone lit up with messages
from the ladies I have Bible study with
every other week.
Words of love and support as they represent Him in my day.
Never be afraid to just say it like it is with the One who knows and loves you most!
He's o.k. with it.
Authentic relationships are the very, very best kind.