Friday, July 24, 2015

Taking My Own Advice

Over this past week I have been spewing advice to my daughter.  You know, things like, telling her to see God's hand in everything in an attempt to grasp that we are in His care.  To be honest with Him and let Him know how you feel.  It's not like He doesn't know anyway, right?  I've told her she doesn't have to be strong to be a good testimony for Him.  To let the anger come....
......just at the fact that this thing happened.
We know He could have prevented it.

This morning I am alone at home and the stress began building again.  I ran to the pharmacy for the medication the doctor ordered for anxiety.  The fear of having that horrifically high heart rate again is similar to my fear of the next complicated migraine.  
Anticipatory. 
 Stress inducing in itself.

I took a sliver of a pill.  Wanting to know how it would impact me.  Much to do today and a few places I really should drive.  I don't want to do anything dangerous.  

I felt a bit sleepy and laid down in the recliner.  All of a sudden it hit me!  
I've been telling her all of this stuff.  
I've been talking ABOUT God.  
But have I been talking TO Him?  
Well?  

There have been the prayers of praise.  I mean them.

There have been the pleas for those who have been impacted and for those we love.

But had I expressed to Him that I am angry that this situation is in our lives?  
That our kids will never be the same again? 
 That even though I know that He will take this and redeem it 
it still hurts SO much?  

I don't think I had.

I have now.

He still loves me.
His presence is so real.
It is safe to be totally real back with Him.

Too bad it took me so long to take my own advice.
In those very moments my cell phone lit up with messages
 from the ladies I have Bible study with 
every other week.
Words of love and support as they represent Him in my day.

Never be afraid to just say it like it is with the One who knows and loves you most!
He's o.k. with it.

Authentic relationships are the very, very best kind.

4 comments:

Vee said...

Your sharing is so real and honest...something that I can use in my own prayer life. We can trust Him that He has His reasons and that He loves you and wants the very best for you. Even in THIS? Especially in this. Love to you all...

Doris said...

Please know I am praying for you and all involved. As I said before, this hits home for me. We didn't have a cell phone in 1998. Communication between us and those who cared was certainly not as instant as today. And....I was SO angry at God. That was a lonely place to be.
I pray that your hearts will stay soft towards Him....even in the darkest days. Lifting you up!

Sherry said...

Thank you for being real. Love you and am praying.

Barb @ Bella Vista said...

Becky,

Your pain is so raw. Believe me when I say that God understands. He does. So often we fail to take our pain to God when that is totally what He wants. Cry out....ask and don't stop asking. He hears.

Stay quiet...you will hear Him...I promise.

An old friend,
Barb