Tuesday, April 30, 2013

On Making a Menu, Making Soap, And Artisan Bread - Sort of......

I'm not a domestic diva.
It is a fact.

However, I'm a believer in doing 
what I can to keep this house going in a 
positive direction.

Keeping this house going in a positive
direction means that we have to be 
healthy and relatively happy.

I feel that the last several years have stolen 
much from my desire to be proactive in my 
domestic abilities.

Rather I have been holding on by my 
fingernails as I fought desperately for my daughter's life.
Before that I was scrapping to get our mothers 
settled in our neighborhood and dealing with 
the grief of many.
Myself included....but mostly others.

This might be the year that my grief gets dealt with.

A friend and I touched on it this morning 
as I asked her how her grief process was coming 
since the loss of her father. 
She described so perfectly what I feel.
She said she pretty much felt she had put the grief
in a drawer until a time she feels better able to deal with it.

Oh yeah!
Do I ever know about that.

Mom went to Grief Share.
I couldn't.

I felt no right to feel the intense pain.
He wasn't my husband.
He was my father.

When it came to Warren's Dad....
well, he was Georgia's husband.
We had much to do.
There was no time to feel.
We had to act.

More than not feeling the right to pain
I didn't want to feel it.

Sure, things would make me cry.
But as soon as possible I would 
move on.

To fall apart meant that I might 
never be put back together
and that was not acceptable.

Then, like I said, we went right into 
dealing with 

Days, weeks, hours.....
meant nothing.

Not up there on the list of important things to do.
We were literally dealing with life and death.

But now we find ourselves on the other side of crisis.

I actually have days when I can breathe.

I am so thankful for how things have settled out.
Chelsea is strong.
The Moms are in as good a place as they can be
without the Dads.

For a while I thought the next thing on my agenda 
should be getting a full time job.
After all, 
did I really think I could slow down
and let the thoughts and pain in?

However, I've been once again finding joy
in my home.
Joy in serving my family.

I've made a menu for the first two weeks of May.
We will go out and purchase the ingredients sometime 
in the next 24 hours.

I've begun to attack the clutter in my home that has 
gathered and I think even had babies in the corners.

Chelsea and I pulled out the Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day Book
so we could choose some recipes to start with.

My Aunt has shared her liquid laundry detergent recipe.
I prefer liquid detergent.
Those ingredients are to be purchased at the same time
as the groceries.

Life moves on.

There may be some truth to the saying that you 
can tell the health and happiness of a family 
by the condition of their home
if I am any indication of that.

The pit was pretty deep.

While the surface was smooth....
the current ran strong.

These days I find myself quick to tears.
I think often of my Dad.
I miss him.

We miss Warren's Dad.

But we will be o.k.

We have survived.
All of us.


Aloquin said...

Wow... when I sat down this evening to devote myself to reading the blogs of my CAST members, I didn't anticipate such seriousness. But I'm glad for it. You write beautifully, and real. Many times people paint a false picture of, for lack of a better term, "peachy keenness." But life isn't always so. It is these times, when we are real, that healing truly begins.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 "Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord , I will joy in the God of my salvation."

God never promised that things would be "peachy keen", but He did promise that He'd be with us through it all.

Thank You, Jesus. Thank you.

Doris said...

I can relate. I felt guilt and pain for 3 years after my daughters life changing accident. How could I be having such a hard time with it when the one experiencing/living it was doing so well... I pulled away from my God. I put up a brave front but inside I was broken. God is good. He saw me through! Today I worship Him with all of me :)

*~Niki~* said...

Sending you a big hug and know your CAST friends are with you xx

bananaorangeapple said...

I wish I could give you a real hug but a virtual hug will have to do
You write so beautifully about such a hard topic to express

sammysgrammy said...

I can relate, Becky. Don't forget Matthew 5:4 - "blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted".

Kim said...

This was so well written Becky . . .and most importatnly you wrote from your heart. I understand first hand what you must have gone through with your daughter because I myself was borderline anorexic when I was younger. Sending great big hugs!!!

Mechelle said...

Wow, Becky thank you for sharing your grief, sorrow and climb back to a joyful place again. God bless you and your family.

sacra vim said...

I loved reading this. We are slowly coming out of the pit of the last couple of years, too. I'll meet you on the other side and we can high five. :)

Theresa said...

I miss my Dad too AND my Mom each and every day! HUGS to you dear friend! I pray that you find lots of clean corners and a happy heart:)