Living in Lancaster County can
be a bit like having your finger
on the pulse of the East Coast
Economy. We have watched things
sag. They haven't been devastating
but you could see a downward trend.
People were let go who had worked
at major tourist stops for years.
However, there is a change in the
air. People are coming out and
spending money. Perhaps it is their
tax refunds or just a resurgence of
confidence but I spoke with a friend
who works at one of our local Outlet
Stores. She tells me that she is selling
mid to high end product without any
problem.
A friend's son who has been looking for
work for a very long time was recently
hired. In a great job!
Another friend in retail has been given
extra hours because things are picking
up.
I know, this is just a microcosm of the
whole but I have never held to the entire
gloom and doom that the economy was just
going to implode.
These things have gone through cycles since
the beginning of forever. It is natural.
We, as a country, have made bad choices.
This has happened worldwide, as well.
It relates to debt.
You know this.
But, there is a bigger piece to the whole thing.
What goes up, must come down.
How can we ever expect to buy low and sell
high if things only ever go up?
The causes of this particular downturn are
despicable! I am very put out with the
greed and political reasons behind it, but
the resettling of the market is ultimately
healthy.
I am happy that the Mr. Madoffs of the
world are being flushed out because of
this. It is a very positive thing.
We have lived through things like this
before. We tend to forget.
Here is the scoop...
If people are invested as they should be...
and I question how many are by the reactions
I hear...they should have enough cash available
for a couple of years. Then the rest invested
and having fallen quite low is not as big a
worry. There is time for a recovery.
Over the last decade it was hard to lose money.
People got greedy and shifted way too much of
their savings into the same basket. This
definitely hurts, in the short term.
However, if history repeats itself that money
left alone will come back.
I truly, and honestly believe, that things
are not as bad as we have been led to believe.
I think we are being manipulated for the
benefit of the Politicians who want to make
changes in this Country that are not so good.
Think about it.
Look around.
Check out what people you know are spending
and see if you truly believe more than 25 percent
of this country has been effected by this.
I think it is much lower than that...
of those who have had to change their
lifestyle because of any of this.
I am not saying that things aren't bad.
I am saying they are not as bad as the talking
heads want you to believe.
Can they get worse?
Sure.
Just sit back and let the government
get away with reclaiming the bonuses
through taxation... after the fact.
It is absolutely nuts that we have come
to call pre-planned, contracted income
bonuses but this will stop if we stop
accepting it. Make changes to the law
now to prohibit that in the future but
if we allow the government to come in and
retroactively tax people's income, we are
on a very slippery slope. When will they
decide to tax another small group of people.
When will you be one of those people?
However, We can get involved. Let our
Representatives know that they actually are
supposed to represent us.
We want less government
intrusion and more freedom.
We want the freedom to
start new companies, spend our money,
invest in the belief that we will recover.
This is a time for us to look at implementing
great ideas. Start up a company that you
have always wanted. Real Estate is almost
affordable. You can get that commercial space
for a better price now than last year...or likely
next year.
Have you heard about the house buying cruises in
Florida. Cracks me up!
You can get on a boat and go up and down
canals buying up foreclosures. People are
doing it. One realtor who was interviewed
said people are spending cash.
My Theory...
they have temporarily pulled out of the market
to buy properties for a song. The market value
will then come back up and they will borrow against
the equity to reinvest.
And thus the cycle of money will continue.
They won't be able to borrow as much as in years
past but they won't care. It will work out well
for many of these who are willing to take the
risk now. Some will lose it all.
I'm not going to jump on that bandwagon (nor am
recommending that anyone else do it).
No time or energy for that.
It is my responsibility to
remain focused on family.
But it is one
example of how our economy is helping some who
are willing to work and take on risk for it
to make money.
You don't have to agree but
think about it. Definitely be
very responsible with your finances
and deepen your pantries. Be as self
sufficient as you can be in things of
daily life. Do all that you can to waste
not...these are things that are Biblical.
They shouldn't be new ideas to us.
However, to many of us who have let the
culture of complacency and greed become
a part of our daily lives these skills have
been lost. We can come out of this stronger
and able to be of help and comfort to those who
are hurting.
Be encouraged.
Our God is an Awesome God.
He is our Strength and our Hope!
Don't forget to build up Heavenly Treasure
while preserving your earthly stash.
Blessings!
♥♥Becky K.♥♥
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Do NOT Take my 401K!!!
The latest brainchild of some Democrats
in Congress...
How about we take over the Americans' 401k's
and make them have a starting value that they
would have had in August...before the market
losses. We will then guarantee 3%
on that money and give it back as a lump sum
upon retirement.
I don't think so!
I, for one, think that is a terrible idea!
I expect the value of (my/our) 401k to fluctuate.
This means that because we continue to contribute
during these lean times...we are buying shares at a
huge discount...we have time for the market to recover
before Warren will retire and we will do better than
3 percent!!!!!
I do not want the Government messing around with
my retirement plans!
No Way!
Don't you love how they have handled Social Security?
Want to trust them with your own private savings?
Not me!
No Thanks!
Nada!
in Congress...
How about we take over the Americans' 401k's
and make them have a starting value that they
would have had in August...before the market
losses. We will then guarantee 3%
on that money and give it back as a lump sum
upon retirement.
I don't think so!
I, for one, think that is a terrible idea!
I expect the value of (my/our) 401k to fluctuate.
This means that because we continue to contribute
during these lean times...we are buying shares at a
huge discount...we have time for the market to recover
before Warren will retire and we will do better than
3 percent!!!!!
I do not want the Government messing around with
my retirement plans!
No Way!
Don't you love how they have handled Social Security?
Want to trust them with your own private savings?
Not me!
No Thanks!
Nada!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Market Fundamentals - My opinions
I enjoyed watching the Dow surge
yesterday...it was fun.
Our crisis is not over.
The buying frenzy, however,
points out the differences
between the markets of today
and those of years past.
Speaking generally...
In years past there were only
a fraction of the people involved
in investing, because those who
invested were the wealthy with
the ability to begin with large
sums.
The general population may have purchased
a share in this company or that but they
were not exposed to the whole market as
is possible today with the variety of mutual
funds, retirement plans, annuities and other
tools available.
The popularity of these retirement plans and
annuities changes the investment landscape, as
well. The penalties are just too high for the
average person to pull before they are 59 and
a half...so there is a lot of money that will
stay invested that in years past would have
been removed until things got better.
This adds stability.
Aren't you glad?
Man, if this is stability!
The other basic fundamental about our economy
that will help to keep us afloat is that we are
in the process of handing wealth from the baby
boomers to the next generation. This generation
is one that is informed in the ways of investing
and who will be willing to do so.
The baby boomers will be passing unprecedented amounts
to their children and grandchildren over the next
ten to twenty years. Much of this money currently sits
in banks at very low earnings but will come into the market
or be spent in home renovations, new cars or other economically
helpful items.
We will get through this crisis.
It will hurt.
Many will lose their jobs.
Our way of life may change somewhat...
but the entire system is not likely to come
crashing down because there are safeguards,
there is volume,
and we are better educated today.
I have been encouraged as I drive through our little
town to have seen five "sold" signs on homes this week.
People are shopping for homes... and buying.
The industries that are likely to be hit hard
are the auto industry...most of us don't HAVE
to buy that new car and new home sales may stay lower
for a while...while buyers choose to buy existing
homes.
Medical/Pharmaceutical will likely stay strong as the
population ages.
The rich will continue to travel and buy their toys,
the middle class will tighten their belts a bit and
wait on major purchases until they feel "safe".
These are my predictions.
Don't expect that this amazing day on Wall Street marks
the end of the volatility...but I do not see that the
sky is falling...the clouds are low but not falling.
I have my concerns, politically, about this election and
its effects on our economy. There are some very scary
fundamental differences between the candidates that will
effect the long term health of our financials.
The further we head down the track to big government and
socialism the more at risk each individual is.
It is concerning to me to hear how many things Barak Obama
wants to "invest in" for us...while raising taxes on those
who are able to make money, hire workers and fund the economy.
Bad news.
It concerns me every time I hear that our health care will be
mandatory. Many jobs won't be developed...it will simply
be too expensive.
There will always be someone who is in more need that we are and
we will be expected to hand our wealth down...until supposedly we
are all equal.
This country was founded on the principal that it is a free and open
economy and we are invited to work hard and do well for ourselves and
our children.
Somehow we have gotten off that track and into an entitlement mindset.
I hope and pray that we would wake up and come back to the idea that
we work for the things we need,
that we would change the laws that allow our
government to spend our money in unrelated addendum to bills,
that we would have an attitude of caring for those around us that is voluntary...
not mandated,
that we would require our lawmakers to work for us as a whole...
not special interest groups who lobby using our tax dollars,
that there would be an outcry against frivolous lawsuits
that clog up the system and cause businesses and doctors
to change the way they operate in order to save their
own skin.
We have slid down a slippery slope.
Let us pray that we can still climb back up.
If this offends you...I am very sorry.
It is how I feel.
There are very basic truths that are being
ignored by both candidates and therefore by
America at large.
I am not concerned about one big "crash"!
I am concerned about the overall health of
our way of thinking...and doing business.
What do you think?
yesterday...it was fun.
Our crisis is not over.
The buying frenzy, however,
points out the differences
between the markets of today
and those of years past.
Speaking generally...
In years past there were only
a fraction of the people involved
in investing, because those who
invested were the wealthy with
the ability to begin with large
sums.
The general population may have purchased
a share in this company or that but they
were not exposed to the whole market as
is possible today with the variety of mutual
funds, retirement plans, annuities and other
tools available.
The popularity of these retirement plans and
annuities changes the investment landscape, as
well. The penalties are just too high for the
average person to pull before they are 59 and
a half...so there is a lot of money that will
stay invested that in years past would have
been removed until things got better.
This adds stability.
Aren't you glad?
Man, if this is stability!
The other basic fundamental about our economy
that will help to keep us afloat is that we are
in the process of handing wealth from the baby
boomers to the next generation. This generation
is one that is informed in the ways of investing
and who will be willing to do so.
The baby boomers will be passing unprecedented amounts
to their children and grandchildren over the next
ten to twenty years. Much of this money currently sits
in banks at very low earnings but will come into the market
or be spent in home renovations, new cars or other economically
helpful items.
We will get through this crisis.
It will hurt.
Many will lose their jobs.
Our way of life may change somewhat...
but the entire system is not likely to come
crashing down because there are safeguards,
there is volume,
and we are better educated today.
I have been encouraged as I drive through our little
town to have seen five "sold" signs on homes this week.
People are shopping for homes... and buying.
The industries that are likely to be hit hard
are the auto industry...most of us don't HAVE
to buy that new car and new home sales may stay lower
for a while...while buyers choose to buy existing
homes.
Medical/Pharmaceutical will likely stay strong as the
population ages.
The rich will continue to travel and buy their toys,
the middle class will tighten their belts a bit and
wait on major purchases until they feel "safe".
These are my predictions.
Don't expect that this amazing day on Wall Street marks
the end of the volatility...but I do not see that the
sky is falling...the clouds are low but not falling.
I have my concerns, politically, about this election and
its effects on our economy. There are some very scary
fundamental differences between the candidates that will
effect the long term health of our financials.
The further we head down the track to big government and
socialism the more at risk each individual is.
It is concerning to me to hear how many things Barak Obama
wants to "invest in" for us...while raising taxes on those
who are able to make money, hire workers and fund the economy.
Bad news.
It concerns me every time I hear that our health care will be
mandatory. Many jobs won't be developed...it will simply
be too expensive.
There will always be someone who is in more need that we are and
we will be expected to hand our wealth down...until supposedly we
are all equal.
This country was founded on the principal that it is a free and open
economy and we are invited to work hard and do well for ourselves and
our children.
Somehow we have gotten off that track and into an entitlement mindset.
I hope and pray that we would wake up and come back to the idea that
we work for the things we need,
that we would change the laws that allow our
government to spend our money in unrelated addendum to bills,
that we would have an attitude of caring for those around us that is voluntary...
not mandated,
that we would require our lawmakers to work for us as a whole...
not special interest groups who lobby using our tax dollars,
that there would be an outcry against frivolous lawsuits
that clog up the system and cause businesses and doctors
to change the way they operate in order to save their
own skin.
We have slid down a slippery slope.
Let us pray that we can still climb back up.
If this offends you...I am very sorry.
It is how I feel.
There are very basic truths that are being
ignored by both candidates and therefore by
America at large.
I am not concerned about one big "crash"!
I am concerned about the overall health of
our way of thinking...and doing business.
What do you think?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Making the best out of Hard Times
So...in yesterday's post I talked about cutting costs while enjoying our families. It is so possible! I have a feeling that if we make a conscious effort to cut back on all of the busyness that running here and there brings and spend that time with our families it will bear fruit that will bless us.
The other evening we did an off the cuff exercise that was funny and silly. You'll need one of your children and two books. Ours was Dr. Suess and Agathe Christie. Since Chelsea wanted to read out loud to us from our huge Dr. Suess Book and Jonathan wanted me to read the murder mystery we compromised with a very funny and entertaining result. Chelsea read a page...then I read a page. It was hysterical. What a combination. Honestly, that was not planned...but since we were home and not out running around the opportunity presented itself. Fun!
Miss Paula, at Gathering of Friends has asked me to make a list of things that I stock up on...I'll start and then you all can add through the comments.
Things that I like to buy on sale are: toothpaste, toothbrushes, toilet paper, laundry detergent, soap. I see no reason to have to pay retail for these things. I wait for them to be on sale then when possible maximize that with a coupon and stock up. By the time we would get close to running out I would have restocked again with a sale. It absolutely makes me crazy to let myself run out of any of these things!
Items that are almost always in my pantry are: Noodles,(a great resource for leftovers turned into casseroles), Rice, Spaghetti Sauce, Kidney Beans,(I've got to be able to make chili), mandarin oranges, many pasta shapes and sizes, salad dressings, cans of soup,(while we prefer to make our own these can come in handy sometimes), cereal, cream soups for the bases of casseroles,coffee, packages pre-seasoned rice and noodles(watch the sodium in these and use sparingly) and corn chips to go with the chili, olive oil, corn oil, peanut butter, etc . I am running out of time for this morning's post...but these are the things that come to mind quickly. These are also things that I most often purchase at sale prices. We don't eat these things all of the time but it is something I can count on being there for a quick meal.
My freezer will almost always contain our fresh frozen corn, store bought peas, mixed veggies and broccoli, chicken in many forms, (breaded tenders, plain uncooked tenders, chicken legs, boneless chicken breasts), a roast or two, pork spare ribs, bread, and a container or two of ice cream as sales warrant.
These posts focus on what we can do to streamline our spending while we have more time to spend with those who are dear to us. Mrs. Rabe wrote a great post yesterday...and it is not just because she liked mine...about Abundance. Loved it!
Check it out.
Blessings on your day! I am off to enjoy time with my Brother and his wife who are visiting. We have had so much fun together already and they have only been here one evening.
The other evening we did an off the cuff exercise that was funny and silly. You'll need one of your children and two books. Ours was Dr. Suess and Agathe Christie. Since Chelsea wanted to read out loud to us from our huge Dr. Suess Book and Jonathan wanted me to read the murder mystery we compromised with a very funny and entertaining result. Chelsea read a page...then I read a page. It was hysterical. What a combination. Honestly, that was not planned...but since we were home and not out running around the opportunity presented itself. Fun!
Miss Paula, at Gathering of Friends has asked me to make a list of things that I stock up on...I'll start and then you all can add through the comments.
Things that I like to buy on sale are: toothpaste, toothbrushes, toilet paper, laundry detergent, soap. I see no reason to have to pay retail for these things. I wait for them to be on sale then when possible maximize that with a coupon and stock up. By the time we would get close to running out I would have restocked again with a sale. It absolutely makes me crazy to let myself run out of any of these things!
Items that are almost always in my pantry are: Noodles,(a great resource for leftovers turned into casseroles), Rice, Spaghetti Sauce, Kidney Beans,(I've got to be able to make chili), mandarin oranges, many pasta shapes and sizes, salad dressings, cans of soup,(while we prefer to make our own these can come in handy sometimes), cereal, cream soups for the bases of casseroles,coffee, packages pre-seasoned rice and noodles(watch the sodium in these and use sparingly) and corn chips to go with the chili, olive oil, corn oil, peanut butter, etc . I am running out of time for this morning's post...but these are the things that come to mind quickly. These are also things that I most often purchase at sale prices. We don't eat these things all of the time but it is something I can count on being there for a quick meal.
My freezer will almost always contain our fresh frozen corn, store bought peas, mixed veggies and broccoli, chicken in many forms, (breaded tenders, plain uncooked tenders, chicken legs, boneless chicken breasts), a roast or two, pork spare ribs, bread, and a container or two of ice cream as sales warrant.
These posts focus on what we can do to streamline our spending while we have more time to spend with those who are dear to us. Mrs. Rabe wrote a great post yesterday...and it is not just because she liked mine...about Abundance. Loved it!
Check it out.
Blessings on your day! I am off to enjoy time with my Brother and his wife who are visiting. We have had so much fun together already and they have only been here one evening.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Are You Scared? Here is my opinion!!!!
Today's Economy and the Media:
I am about to share my personal thoughts on this topic. These do not represent the company I work for nor should they be taken as personal advice to every person out there. You should contact your financial professional for a review if you are concerned...see my disclaimer at the side bar...talking about money makes me nervous in this type of a setting, however, this is on my mind. I am so upset at the media during times like this and it drives me crazy that they are scaring people who are simply innocently unknowing about how things work...that is my rant for today! :-)
I shudder to think of all of those people selling at a loss because they are afraid thanks to those who are looking for a news story!
The media is doing its best to bring gloom and doom to our financial markets and to bring a recession to the States.
Are you listening?
Are you afraid?
Whether you need to fear depends on a few important things...
How are you set for emergency funds? It is wise to have some money set aside in case an emergency should happen...three to six months worth is good.
If you are invested in stocks or bonds is it the right mix and risk level for you?
I had a client for a long time who would panic each time the market fell. I would encourage her to hold on until prices came back and then we could move them to something less prone to the changing of the markets. However, when the prices were up she would not move that money...she loved the growth...so the cycle would continue. How are you when the market fluctuates? If you are in it for the long term and are continuing to invest on a regular basis you should be rejoicing during the "down" times. You have just hit the motherload of sales. Each dollar going in now is purchasing more shares.
If you are in the process of taking money from your retirement accounts, this drop in the markets is scary. I like to place my clients retirement into a few different accounts. A more stable returning fund for the money to be drafted from and then a couple of more agressive funds for the longer term growth. If you are set up in a similar way you need not fret the downturns that are healthy in a market.
Can you imagine a stock market that went only up? Pretty soon no one would be able to afford to invest. We have seen trends where the pricing has gotten pretty high.
History has shown that fluctuation in the markets is to be expected and is healthy.
As for a recession...are we headed for one? I don't know. One thing I am fairly certain of right now is that this is not it! We have only seen a slowing in the growth pattern...not the losses that must continue for a certain period of time before it is actually a recession.
Yell at those talking heads on the TV
any time they talk about this recession!
I do!
Work on eliminating debt...but not at the expense of growing a retirement account. It is possible to do both at once.
A review of your budget would show us the debt load and the income stream.
Oh, I had better save this discussion for another day...It deserves it's own post!
Love to all of you...
Fear not!
Do take the time to review
your plan
and make sure you are not
going to be hurting in case of
a severe downturn.
This should be a call to action
not a time of panic.
If you are not planning to pull money
from your retirement in the next five years
or you have enough money in the account
you are pulling from for about three years...
relax and invest all you can afford to put away...
after you have a little nest egg set aside
for the unexpected leaky roof
or the expired furnace.
I am about to share my personal thoughts on this topic. These do not represent the company I work for nor should they be taken as personal advice to every person out there. You should contact your financial professional for a review if you are concerned...see my disclaimer at the side bar...talking about money makes me nervous in this type of a setting, however, this is on my mind. I am so upset at the media during times like this and it drives me crazy that they are scaring people who are simply innocently unknowing about how things work...that is my rant for today! :-)
I shudder to think of all of those people selling at a loss because they are afraid thanks to those who are looking for a news story!
The media is doing its best to bring gloom and doom to our financial markets and to bring a recession to the States.
Are you listening?
Are you afraid?
Whether you need to fear depends on a few important things...
How are you set for emergency funds? It is wise to have some money set aside in case an emergency should happen...three to six months worth is good.
If you are invested in stocks or bonds is it the right mix and risk level for you?
I had a client for a long time who would panic each time the market fell. I would encourage her to hold on until prices came back and then we could move them to something less prone to the changing of the markets. However, when the prices were up she would not move that money...she loved the growth...so the cycle would continue. How are you when the market fluctuates? If you are in it for the long term and are continuing to invest on a regular basis you should be rejoicing during the "down" times. You have just hit the motherload of sales. Each dollar going in now is purchasing more shares.
If you are in the process of taking money from your retirement accounts, this drop in the markets is scary. I like to place my clients retirement into a few different accounts. A more stable returning fund for the money to be drafted from and then a couple of more agressive funds for the longer term growth. If you are set up in a similar way you need not fret the downturns that are healthy in a market.
Can you imagine a stock market that went only up? Pretty soon no one would be able to afford to invest. We have seen trends where the pricing has gotten pretty high.
History has shown that fluctuation in the markets is to be expected and is healthy.
As for a recession...are we headed for one? I don't know. One thing I am fairly certain of right now is that this is not it! We have only seen a slowing in the growth pattern...not the losses that must continue for a certain period of time before it is actually a recession.
Yell at those talking heads on the TV
any time they talk about this recession!
I do!
Work on eliminating debt...but not at the expense of growing a retirement account. It is possible to do both at once.
A review of your budget would show us the debt load and the income stream.
Oh, I had better save this discussion for another day...It deserves it's own post!
Love to all of you...
Fear not!
Do take the time to review
your plan
and make sure you are not
going to be hurting in case of
a severe downturn.
This should be a call to action
not a time of panic.
If you are not planning to pull money
from your retirement in the next five years
or you have enough money in the account
you are pulling from for about three years...
relax and invest all you can afford to put away...
after you have a little nest egg set aside
for the unexpected leaky roof
or the expired furnace.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Money and Marriage - Part Three
In my last post on this subject I laid out the problem that I often run into. The cyclical effect of a husband who feels that he works as hard as he can to provide the best he can without recognition of this at home. I know that this is not the case in every home but have seen enough in my 13 years in the financial field to know that it is common.
So, now we have a husband who is drifting further and further from the place that should be his “cave”. The place where he can let go and just be himself. He is “shutting down”.
Your husband has earned the right to relax and enjoy his own home. He carries a heavy burden. Ask any single Mother who has had to take on this responsibility…we who do not have this responsibility do not want it!
I know that I would not want the responsibility of bringing home the paycheck that provides for the mortgage/rent, electricity, food, clothing, and all of the other essentials of life. If I were putting my whole self into that provision and then came home to be told regularly that it was not enough, I would begin to struggle with feelings for the person bearing this news!
While there may be an issue, and there may need to be changes made. Doing that without sabotaging your relationship is important.
Begin a campaign of appreciation.
Be sincere.
Notice when he is struggling. Let him know that you know he is doing it for his family. It is not wrong to thank him for his time and energy spent providing for the family. Be purposeful on this…if you are at the point where communication is lagging time is of the essence. It will be hard but you can do it. You must do it if you want restoration of a relationship that once was.
I can hear you saying…but what about me? When do I get to be appreciated for all that I do for this family? I know! I have been there too. Trust me on this part and your efforts will be appreciated too, in the near future.
IF things are very tense between you and your spouse, do not attempt, at this point to connect this with your money issues. You must first let him know how much he is loved and appreciated. Do whatever cutting back you need to do to keep the budget working while you get the communication back in your marriage. It will be vital to the next step.
Simple things like a big smile and a greeting when he comes home are amazing. He knows that he is wanted in his home! My Chelsea showed me this. She cannot wait for her Daddy to get home. He loves that she greets him with enthusiasm. You know, it makes sense…don’t we all want to be wanted and have someone happy to see us?
Provide opportunities for him to share about his day. This is tricky at first…but after a few times where he sees that you are not going to attempt to problem solve about things that he shares…you are just listening and supporting him…he will do more and more sharing.
When Warren and I had been married a little more than a year we made a decision to move to York, PA. As our home was for sale in Centre County we stayed with Warren’s Grandma Charlotte in York for a while. I’ll never forget the first evening Warren came home from his first day at his new job. He came in the door and I greeted him with questions, “How did it go? Do you like it?”
Warren’s Grandmother had the “nerve” to tell me to back off. She settled him into a chair and had him put his feet up and would not let me talk to him until he had his cup of coffee…I was so offended. This was my husband and I wanted to ask him about his day. She knew he was tired and would feel more like talking after some time of nurturing. I think both Grandma Charlotte and I were at extremes. Somewhere in the middle is probably more practical and sensible but it shows the extremes and the changes that have entered our society as it relates to relationship roles.
I, often, will hear nothing about Warren’s days unless we head out of the house to dinner or on an errand. For us there is something about being in the car…not facing each other that makes it easier for him to share. We love to take road trips because we have great conversations about all kinds of heart and life issues as we drive.
Whatever you find that works for you…become an expert in making that happen. I have had to learn that he is not sharing work challenges with me so that I can make it better. It just helps him to work it through. I am a “problem-solver” so I want to jump in with suggestions…not what he is looking for!
I hope that if you are struggling…or even if things have just settled into a blah routine…a minor modification here will help to get things back on track. It is work. A happy marriage is not something that just happens.
So, with this in mind…have a very blessed day and appreciate that husband of yours. He is working to take care of you.
Your Friend,
So, now we have a husband who is drifting further and further from the place that should be his “cave”. The place where he can let go and just be himself. He is “shutting down”.
Your husband has earned the right to relax and enjoy his own home. He carries a heavy burden. Ask any single Mother who has had to take on this responsibility…we who do not have this responsibility do not want it!
I know that I would not want the responsibility of bringing home the paycheck that provides for the mortgage/rent, electricity, food, clothing, and all of the other essentials of life. If I were putting my whole self into that provision and then came home to be told regularly that it was not enough, I would begin to struggle with feelings for the person bearing this news!
While there may be an issue, and there may need to be changes made. Doing that without sabotaging your relationship is important.
Begin a campaign of appreciation.
Be sincere.
Notice when he is struggling. Let him know that you know he is doing it for his family. It is not wrong to thank him for his time and energy spent providing for the family. Be purposeful on this…if you are at the point where communication is lagging time is of the essence. It will be hard but you can do it. You must do it if you want restoration of a relationship that once was.
I can hear you saying…but what about me? When do I get to be appreciated for all that I do for this family? I know! I have been there too. Trust me on this part and your efforts will be appreciated too, in the near future.
IF things are very tense between you and your spouse, do not attempt, at this point to connect this with your money issues. You must first let him know how much he is loved and appreciated. Do whatever cutting back you need to do to keep the budget working while you get the communication back in your marriage. It will be vital to the next step.
Simple things like a big smile and a greeting when he comes home are amazing. He knows that he is wanted in his home! My Chelsea showed me this. She cannot wait for her Daddy to get home. He loves that she greets him with enthusiasm. You know, it makes sense…don’t we all want to be wanted and have someone happy to see us?
Provide opportunities for him to share about his day. This is tricky at first…but after a few times where he sees that you are not going to attempt to problem solve about things that he shares…you are just listening and supporting him…he will do more and more sharing.
When Warren and I had been married a little more than a year we made a decision to move to York, PA. As our home was for sale in Centre County we stayed with Warren’s Grandma Charlotte in York for a while. I’ll never forget the first evening Warren came home from his first day at his new job. He came in the door and I greeted him with questions, “How did it go? Do you like it?”
Warren’s Grandmother had the “nerve” to tell me to back off. She settled him into a chair and had him put his feet up and would not let me talk to him until he had his cup of coffee…I was so offended. This was my husband and I wanted to ask him about his day. She knew he was tired and would feel more like talking after some time of nurturing. I think both Grandma Charlotte and I were at extremes. Somewhere in the middle is probably more practical and sensible but it shows the extremes and the changes that have entered our society as it relates to relationship roles.
I, often, will hear nothing about Warren’s days unless we head out of the house to dinner or on an errand. For us there is something about being in the car…not facing each other that makes it easier for him to share. We love to take road trips because we have great conversations about all kinds of heart and life issues as we drive.
Whatever you find that works for you…become an expert in making that happen. I have had to learn that he is not sharing work challenges with me so that I can make it better. It just helps him to work it through. I am a “problem-solver” so I want to jump in with suggestions…not what he is looking for!
I hope that if you are struggling…or even if things have just settled into a blah routine…a minor modification here will help to get things back on track. It is work. A happy marriage is not something that just happens.
So, with this in mind…have a very blessed day and appreciate that husband of yours. He is working to take care of you.
Your Friend,
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Money and Marriage
I was watching the news the other day and I heard that divorces are up during this time of the year. I know there are many reasons for this but one that was not mentioned was stress about money.
It is very obvious in my line of work the effect that these kinds of stresses bring to a marriage. I have set in many a home where the couple are just on such different pages that it would seem impossible. But, it is not.
When money is the cause of problems in a home three things can make a huge difference.
1. Really listening to each other.
What is it that is the sticking point? Most time it is that one person is a spender and the other a saver. Sometimes one feels insecure about their knowledge about money. Often, it is that the debt level has grown so high that neither knows what to do next and the stress causes them to focus less on the relationship and more on the emergency. There are many reasons for differences, the key is hearing your spouse out and making sure you understand what is important to them.
2. Seeking a solution. Every problem has a solution. Sometimes couples need outside help to find that solution. I love being that person for my clients. While it is tough, at times, to be in an appointment that has grown to the point of hard feelings, it is always satisfying to be able to bring them together on a common goal...a solution to the problem.
3. Following the steps of the solution together. It is great to have a known solution but unless the plan is followed there will be no change. There have been times that I have simply had to decide to move on when couples would meet with me and then go off to their old pattern over and over again. They were not ready or willing to make the changes that were necessary. Others have grasped hold of the hope offered and truly made a difference in their finances, and then as a result, in their marriage. Cheerleading and coming along side a couple like this brings great joy and satisfaction!
As I heard these attorneys and marriage experts on the news I wanted to get my two cents in there. Statistics bear this out as a primary cause of divorce.
Here we are, after Christmas, in a year that gas and heating prices are at an all time high. Debt levels are really climbing in most families and they need help. Housing prices have dropped significantly in most markets. The financial atmosphere out there is scary. I am sure that many divorces could be avoided if couples were able to work together on a mutual goal...their financial future.
I am considering posting some general advice on this topic in the weeks to come. Do not consider this solicitation but general information that may help someone you know.
It is very obvious in my line of work the effect that these kinds of stresses bring to a marriage. I have set in many a home where the couple are just on such different pages that it would seem impossible. But, it is not.
When money is the cause of problems in a home three things can make a huge difference.
1. Really listening to each other.
What is it that is the sticking point? Most time it is that one person is a spender and the other a saver. Sometimes one feels insecure about their knowledge about money. Often, it is that the debt level has grown so high that neither knows what to do next and the stress causes them to focus less on the relationship and more on the emergency. There are many reasons for differences, the key is hearing your spouse out and making sure you understand what is important to them.
2. Seeking a solution. Every problem has a solution. Sometimes couples need outside help to find that solution. I love being that person for my clients. While it is tough, at times, to be in an appointment that has grown to the point of hard feelings, it is always satisfying to be able to bring them together on a common goal...a solution to the problem.
3. Following the steps of the solution together. It is great to have a known solution but unless the plan is followed there will be no change. There have been times that I have simply had to decide to move on when couples would meet with me and then go off to their old pattern over and over again. They were not ready or willing to make the changes that were necessary. Others have grasped hold of the hope offered and truly made a difference in their finances, and then as a result, in their marriage. Cheerleading and coming along side a couple like this brings great joy and satisfaction!
As I heard these attorneys and marriage experts on the news I wanted to get my two cents in there. Statistics bear this out as a primary cause of divorce.
Here we are, after Christmas, in a year that gas and heating prices are at an all time high. Debt levels are really climbing in most families and they need help. Housing prices have dropped significantly in most markets. The financial atmosphere out there is scary. I am sure that many divorces could be avoided if couples were able to work together on a mutual goal...their financial future.
I am considering posting some general advice on this topic in the weeks to come. Do not consider this solicitation but general information that may help someone you know.
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