I am attending a ladies Bible Study which is covering the book
True Woman 101 - divine design a study on Biblical Womanhood.
I went into the class fully expecting to love this study.
One of the authors, Nancy Leigh DeMoss
is someone I respect and enjoy listening to.
(The following discussion is not found in the book
as far as I have seen....this was just class discussion.)
However, yesterday in class we were discussing the role of men
and more specifically the leave and cleave principal in marriage.
Pretty soon women were chiming in to say that the first thing a newly
married couple should do is get away from their family for the first year.
Now, it may not surprise you that I bristled at this given the fact that
Michael is about to be married.
I mean, these ladies were emphatically stating that the newly married couple should
have NO contact with family for a year.
They were quoting a well known Christian family Psychologist as they said this.
I've not verified that this is actually what he said so I am not
giving his name.
They were then stating that our culture shows too much parental
involvement in newlyweds lives as opposed to how it would have been
in Old Testament times.
I tried to be quiet.
Really, I did.
But when the instructor started talking negatively about parents
helping young people financially and in other ways I just couldn't
Let's think about Old Testament times.
The young man would clearly move from his parent's home but usually
to another tent/house on the family compound.
The girl would leave her family's home and come to his.
The parents would provide the starting funds/gifts for the couple.
They would live as community.
No where do I see that the couple up and left all that they knew
and all of their support for the first year.
I wanted to just burst a gasket.
In a class that is trying to be counter culture I felt that
the starting point was as deep in the current culture as it could be.
It put down the family.
Where we were supposed to be talking about a Biblical
role for women.
I was also reminded quickly of two situations where young
husbands were abusive.
I know this isn't the norm.... but what is the first thing
an abusive man will do?
Isolate her from her family.
This just seems like dangerous advice to me.
I love this Bible Study Group and will return....
this is not a deal breaker.
However, I was very disappointed.
What do you think?
Am I being too thin skinned?
Is it too close for me to be objective?
Or has all of the church bought into the idea that family is bad?
My parents lived a half an hour from us when we were married.
We saw them once a week or more,
usually for Sunday lunch.
One evening Warren did not come home in a "timely" way
when I had made a lovely dinner.
I was very upset.
So what did I do?
I called home.
I expected sympathy and support.
What did I get?
Well, they were emphatic that this was between
my husband and myself.
They were not getting in the middle of it.
Were they right to do so?
I had left my home and was under "new management".
Did they need to scram out of my life in order to
perform such an important and impactful service for me?
I needed to hear that....and especially from them.
I know this might seem like a small deal to you
but it is distressing to me to have an entire class of young
mothers hearing this kind of advice.
I'm ready to shut up and hear what you have to say
on the matter.